I was in a relationship with this amazing, caring woman and we were living with roommates in a modest house. She and I were sharing a room. We were even talking about getting married, the only problem being, there’s someone else. She still has a boyfriend in the military stationed overseas that she’s still in love with as well. She feels torn and doesn’t want to hurt him, no, more than that she doesn’t want to let go. I know about him and the feelings that she still has for him and I worry about what’s coming but she’s just so affectionate, caring, intelligent, with a great sense of humor and we’re so completely comfortable around each other and… I love her to the point that I’d be willing to sacrifice anything for her, even though the situation is hurting me I’m willing to let her play it out so that she can resolve it in a way that she’s comfortable with. Only, she doesn’t know what she wants and the other guy, well, he doesn’t have a fucking clue. As far as he knows I’m just another roommate and he thinks their relationship is going along smoothly.

So in the dream he comes back on leave and comes to the house. She and I are both in the living room with one of our other roommates when the doorbell rings. He enters and sweeps her off her feet, casting aside his bags to take her in his arms and kisses her long and passionately. It feels like my fucking heart has just been ripped from my chest and pissed on. When he finally lets her go she looks flustered and confused, then seems to remember me and gives me a pleading, apologetic look as he whispers in her ear and starts to drag her away towards our bedroom.

I start to get up and the roomate puts a hand on my arm, giving me a rather complacent look, and saying "what man, are you unpatriotic or something? It's all good man..."

(The moments when we’re together leave me with an overwhelming sense of love and security and when seeing them together it feels like my heart is physically being removed from my chest with a dull spoon. All in all, a very powerful dream whose importance lies primarily in the terrifyingly real feelings that it induced. I woke from this feeling a profound sense of loss and loneliness that I can still feel now, a good 10 hours later. Some really fucked up shit.)